personal, shorts, thoughts

Listening to old songs and unearthing old memories.

As I’m writing this sentence, I’m¬†listening to¬†Ang Bandang Shirley’s¬†Nakauwi Na.

As I listen to this, I remember my commutes back when we still had summer sem in college. The feeling attached to it is mostly melancholic, as I was alone during these months, back in 2013.

I also am a bit surprised that I don’t have a particular “crush”¬†associated with this song.¬†Usually I have one. But for this¬†song, it’s just… the feeling.

I guess during that time, even though I had crushes, and I was going through certain things, I never really got attached to anyone yet. I was just going through the motions, letting life take me wherever.

Even though the song talks about coming home, the song makes me think more of exploration.

Now¬†Di Na Babalik by the same band is playing. This was also one of the songs I kept listening to during those, shall I say, lonely times.¬†It’s still the same though‚ÄĒinstead of having a person’s face appear when I listen to this intently,¬†I get more¬†enveloped in a feeling. Again, a melancholic feeling.

These were the days when I was¬†on my own,¬†when I’d take advantage of moments as they came. These songs remind me of those little memory snippets saved in my mind.

I had the urge to share these thoughts as soon as I started playing music. But¬†now I’ll go back¬†to what I was doing.

Thanks for reading!

Chi :)

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personal, shorts, thoughts

Time to actually get started on things.

I told myself that by 2017, I’ll start pushing myself a bit more to actually work on the projects¬†I have in mind. Most of which were things I wanted to do back in 2016, but¬†I think the real reason why I didn’t really start them was¬†because I was lazy. I’d reason out that it’s because¬†I have too much work or my emotions are getting the better of me‚ÄĒbut to be honest I want to have that checked out also‚ÄĒbut I know it’s also because I was just… not moving. I only liked the idea that I worked on it, but never really wanted to start.

But now I do. And it feels kind of¬†“forced” because “It’s the New Year,¬†new year, new things to do! I can do this” etc etc. But despite that thought at the¬†back of my mind, I’ll just do it. Whatever happens. And even if I don’t start as soon as possible, I’ll just keep a mental note all the time… I have to do this. I have to at least try.

I guess if I¬†do make up some New Year’s Resolution for 2017, it’s to at least try to¬†finish¬†a project. I know I can start on them, that’s easy for me. But to finish a¬†personal project? That rarely happens.

That’s my challenge for myself this year. And for the years to come if I don’t manage to get it done this year.

That’s all for now. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

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personal, shorts, thoughts

Plans for December + New Phone!

First off, I was planning on doing what was done in this Medium article¬†every day¬†this month, but¬†because of work, I might have to just reduce that to “do something like this when you have the time. Do at least 10 of these.” Plus, I don’t have a sketchpad ready for¬†these kinds of things‚ÄĒI’d rather not mix¬†these with my personal sketches‚ÄĒso there’s that, too.

Either way, I’ll post them here when I have the time, and I¬†will¬†set some time aside for it. I want to see what I can create by doing this method of “seeing”. :)

Another update for me is that I got a new phone last Tuesday! It’s a OnePlus 3. I got it from KimstorePH. :D

The experience has been great so far! Although this is coming from someone who¬†owned an O+ 8.91 for around¬†4 years,¬†maybe? (Wow, it’s been that long?)¬†It’s refreshing to use a new phone, and one that I think will last long with me. ^_^ I hope I can create some apps¬†by testing it with this phone.

I just wanted to share a bit of my life here again. I normally do that online via Twitter, but there’s a different¬†feeling when you write¬†things down in a semi-orderly manner. Hehe. I¬†also want to keep¬†updating this blog of mine,¬†for I think it’s good practice when it comes to¬†forming coherent sentences and getting points across.¬†I know¬†I need to hone those skills.

That’s it for now. Until next time! Hopefully I post some kind of sketch or update :)

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personal, shorts, thoughts

Answering my own question

I have been feeling more scared over things I have little to no control over. All these what-ifs clouding my mind with scenes that rarely happen. What if this makes you angry? What if I don’t get in? What if I become like them? What if I’m not good enough?

I keep trying to tell myself, I keep trying to tell myself that I am. I am good enough. I can do it. It’s okay. There’s always next time. There’s always tomorrow. It can be fixed. It’s no big deal.

Why don’t these thoughts win? Have I forgotten what it’s like to be okay lately? Have I forgotten how to love myself? Have I forgotten my capabilities? Have I forgotten who I really am?

Why do I keep defining myself with negativity? Why can’t I just let myself win? Why do I feel weak on the first assumption made up in my mind?

I have reflected in the past and I’ve usually attributed this to the fact that I care too much. I care too much about what other people think. I care too much about how it affects the people around me, the people close to me.

Why is it so hard to not care? I honestly don’t understand how difficult that is for me. I don’t understand why it’s hard for me to just leave things be.

But it’s tiring. It’s tiring. I want to breathe, I want to take a break. I can only do that when I’m not thinking. But I can’t not-think forever.

Maybe this just another surge of emotion. Maybe it’s just been a bad day. Maybe I need to go out more.

Maybe, I just need to stop.

And that’s the answer.

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personal, shorts, thoughts

Reflections: Insecurities

I wrote this earlier in my notebook:

I felt really insecure lately. It’s getting to my nerves. Maybe¬†I just need to go out more and interact¬†with people. Get myself out there. Be criticized and build upon them.

I realized that while I was out earlier with friends and other strangers (I was at a UXPH meetup‚ÄĒmore on that soon).¬†The whole time I was at¬†there, I kept worrying about how I’d approach and talk to people. I’ve been consciously checking how I interact with people lately, and it’s starting to bother me because it’s getting in the way of how I converse and simply interact with people.

Is it that hard to just ask someone a question? Is it that hard to talk to another person?

A part of me will say yes, it is hard to interact with other people, because there are a lot of factors to consider: am I asking the right question? Is the question too stupid, too simple? Am I addressing them properly? Am I coming off as too nosy? The list of questions goes on and on.

But on the other hand, I’m also¬†aware that¬†I’m the only one limiting myself if I continually stop myself because I have to consider all those factors. There’s nothing bad with asking¬†a question, and even if I¬†thought about it and I still deemed it as a “stupid” question, maybe I’m just¬†being too hard on¬†myself.

I know that I shouldn’t care too much about what others think, because they probably don’t care in the first place, or I’m¬†overthinking it. I just need to keep pulling myself together, especially during the times when I get broken down, either by my experiences or by my own thoughts.

By writing this post, I am looking forward to a better¬†day. I can create that day for myself, too. I’ll¬†do my best to¬†take the opportunities as I see them, and I won’t let insecurities bring me down. I just have to believe in myself‚ÄĒeveryone else will say that, so why shouldn’t I do that, too?

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